Tomorrow is the day I get the DRG stimulator trial.
I haven't had much time to obsess and become more anxious about tomorrow's surgery. It's not that I haven't been in pain lately or that I've been able to sleep again (I haven't), but we've been busy with a wake and a funeral for Mitchell Rowe. The service was at a Catholic church where they like to sit, stand, kneel and repeat. By the sixth time of having to stand I quit and stayed seated. I often wonder what others think when I don't participate or take a handicap parking spot. I've gained weight, but I don't look "disabled." If you didn't know something was wrong, you'd never know. Often times I'm told I look good and that I'm really getting around well nowadays. Sure I am and thanks, but I'm not O.K.
Over the past couple of days family and friends have wished me luck with tomorrow's surgery which I really appreciate and it makes me feel good, but I feel odd talking about myself ever, especially at a funeral when I see other family members hurting emotionally. I never wanted any of this, but here I am.
I want this to work so bad, but I'm worried that it won't and this is the best it'll ever be. I just want to be my old self. It's weird. I'm hoping I feel a difference right away when I awake from the twilight. I also hope I don't get all teary-eyed in front of others if it does. I just hope for something better than this. I'll let you know how it goes... but, if I never have another post, something bad happened and you should run like hell from DRG stimulation. More than likely, though, I'll see you in the future.
Oh, and do you like Elvis?
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