November, the PENULTIMATE month of the year, is Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome Awareness Month.
I was going to copy and paste the Mayo Clinic’s breakdown of this rare disease but it was boring and it would take up way too much precious digital internet space, so here’s a LINK instead.
According to the McGill Pain Index, CRPS rates higher than chronic back pain, fibromyalgia, and even childbirth. Now this disease really sucks, but childbirth? I witnessed our daughter’s birth and that didn’t look like a walk in the park. High five, wife! This makes me think about that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Junior. Now, I’ve never seen this classic, but if he didn’t give birth by caesarean section, I guarantee his pain was much, much worse than having a CRPS flare-up. Also, did you know Danny DeVito was in that movie? Those two were magical in Twins, which I’ve seen about a hundred times at age eight. Maybe I should see Junior. (Looks up Schwarzenegger/DeVito movies…OMG, what is Triplets!?! Not only Danny and Arnold, but Eddie Murphy and Tracy Morgan, too!)
CRPS is an exhausting painful nervous system disorder. The pain fluctuates and is located primarily in my lower right leg. I call it the Devil’s Caress because, at times, it burns so bad that it feels like I stepped in lava. On top of that, every step I take feels like walking barefoot on LEGO. The cause of my CRPS is either from the moment I broke my pelvis in a multi-vehicle accident caused by a distracted driver or by the emergency surgeries that I underwent to have my life saved because of that accident. It’s a chronic condition, meaning it will never stop. I no longer take any medications, but I do use a neurostimulation device to reduce the pain. It took three years to become eligible for the stimulator which helps dull the pain by about 50%. My leg is withering away due to atrophy. When I stretch, my leg cramps up. When I get dressed, I have to sit, otherwise it looks like I’m attempting the crane kick and I risk falling. I can’t stand or sit in one place for long. The only exercise that I can do with a minimal increase in pain is walking, so I power walk like a mug everywhere depending on the weather. Colder temperatures increase my pain sensitivity. Illinois winters are rough sometimes. I probably should move to a warmer climate, but fuck Florida. I can’t sleep through the night due to insomnia caused by the pain, or it was my TBI. Anyway, I take cannabis to aid my rest. Some other weird issues that I have going on with my affected limb is hair loss, skin color is blue and it is 5-7 degrees colder than my left leg on average. Shit’s all jacked.
Unfortunately, for me, there is no cure for CRPS. Distractions are the best way to live with this disease, so with that I will now end this post and read the latest book my therapist has recommended. The last book I read that he suggested, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, was recently touted by Aaron Rodgers and, yeah, I don’t want to say Rodgers “should stick to sports,” because that’s how my favorite sports blog ended…however, now that I think about it, the writers of that blog quit en masse and started their own new better blog. Perhaps, Mr. Rodgers, you should stick to sports and leave for a better football division, far, far away from the NFC North so Mr. Justin Fields can own you, Green Bay Packers.
