I Had a Dream

Earlier this week it happened. I was adrift in the land of slumber and it got me. No, not Mr. Krueger, but a leg cramp. When I say that I suffer from extensive nerve damage, it’s an understatement. My shit’s all messed up and the cold only exacerbates the pain and the leg cramps tend to be worse and more frequent from, oh, I’d say about October until the middle of May. Anyway, I woke from a dream due to a scorpion tail-like cramp in the leg, but it occurred in the middle of a dream. That’s right! I do still dream. 

In the dream, I was at a party, but I didn’t recognize any of the guests. Hence, I hypothesize that it was probably family gathering. I was anxious because I couldn’t believe how many people were in such close contact. I started addressing the COVID-19 elephant in the room. That didn’t go over well. I was the Lori Lightfoot meme that nobody asked for. As I began to preach about social distancing and that it’s not about us but of overcrowding hospitals and the domino effect, I awoke.

That is all. I still dream. I just can’t retain the memory for long, that is unless I awake in the middle of the dream, I have now learned. So, WHEW, I still have some humanity. Now, let’s get back to work America. A 2-3% death rate concerns you? So selfish. Right, Dr. Oz?

One more thing... I made an appointment last month to donate blood yesterday. You see, after needing multiple transfusions at the time of my accident, I feel compelled to donate blood as soon as I’m able and allowed. When I was making this appointment, the closest site was 20 miles away, but I went ahead and scheduled because I just want to do my part by donating as often as possible, because I'm a bleeding heart that actually believes we are really all in this together. That is, not just for this virus and the now, but for always. Anyway, I arrived at my appointment right on time, but there was nobody there. I noticed another individual driving his vehicle around the lot of the site too, so I approached him. He seemed confused at first. I kind of wanted to jump out of the car and run at him coughing like a COVID-19-infected lunatic just for fun, but he was in a pickup truck and we were out in the country. Those two facts mean I can only assume he’s a concealed carry-type. As I made conversation with the only other person around, it turns out he was there to donate too. Coincidence? No, not hardly. We both called Red Cross and learned that they had canceled the drive without letting either of us know. Now I probably shouldn’t care, but how in the hell in today’s current state do you schedule people to donate blood and then flake out on them? I thought we were having shortages? Red Cross, you had two willing donors yesterday that both scheduled a month in advance, prepared ourselves to donate, and then you don’t show. The heck, man?

CHALLENGE!

I walk daily. It’s an exercise that I can do that is relatively safe for me. It’s low-impact, causes only moderate pain and I enjoy that feeling of accomplishment at the end of a walk. Throughout the day, I often check my Health application and pore over my numbers like a sabermetrician. OMG! My OPS may be substandard, BUT WOULD YA LOOK AT MY WAR!

During a stroll on Sunday at the furthest point from home, I got an upset stomach which rapidly became an emergency. With most businesses closed due to the virus, my only option was to get home as fast as possible and, boy, oh boy, that was a struggle. My walking gait mechanics are just not there. I'm physically slow with foot drop holding me back the most. When the zombie apocalypse begins (which by my estimation will be any day now), I should be able to stay an arm’s length ahead of the horde, that is if they stick to the World War Z book description and not the Brad Pitt movie where the zombies are all coked up and running like the Flash and creating mountains of dead flesh to scale a fortress wall. Luckily, I made it home without an unfortunate accident. 

This episode got me thinking about how to improve my walking speed. Is that even possible? Could I move faster if I tried hard enough? Like, what if I practice at it? Anything is possible if you put your mind to it…right? I’m not a doctor, but I had a good feeling about it. Thinking about it [il]logically, I came to the conclusion that I should try running again. What’s it gonna hurt?

The next day, while on a walk with the family, we were in the home stretch of a two-mile walk and I was feeling good, so I challenged the kid to a foot race of about 10-yards. She accepted and I notched my first victory in years. I’m sure it looked goofy as I raised my right hip higher than the left with each stride so as to not trip over my dangling foot. It’s like running with a 15-pound weight strapped to your ankle. Gracious in defeat, my child said, in so many words, that I cheated with a head-start. Once that claim was debunked by my wife, the unbiased race official, the kid used the ‘I’m tired’ excuse. So I offered her a do-over and I DESTROYED bested her again. I started gloating and my bighead needed more of this intoxicating fix. As I’ve said before, I’m an addict and that includes an addiction to winning. (For God’s sake, my last name is Winner.) I sized up the wife and challenged her. She accepted and, guess what? That’s correct, I won again. However, before I could bask in my glory and heave an, “in your face!” while aggressively finger pointing in my life partner’s direction, my body reprimanded me with a terrible ache around my pelvis and hip. I was in pain, but I held my head high as I had finished in first place.

Every so often I get to a place where I think that I’m healed or almost back to pre-accident health and if I can just clear that last hurdle then I’ll be normal. Similar to the relief found from cracking your back. I have a hard time accepting reality. I want to have that Forrest Gump moment were he breaks free of the metal leg braces. Run, Forrest, run! Unfortunately, the metal that holds my pelvis together is inside my body. My metal doesn’t break apart and fall to my feet. It stays inside my body which causes my muscles and organs pain due to inflammation. I'd describe the feeling as a balloon being inflated in my waist area. No matter how much I wish this all away, this is it. This is the best it'll ever be. To add injury to injury, my mini competitive fun runs have activated some CRPS pain that had gone dormant and my leg has been restless for the past two nights. But at least I know, and the family knows, that I’m still the fastest. BOOM! IN YOUR FACE, FAMILY!