Smashed VIDEO

Don't feel too bad for her, she connected with my face after chucking a cascarón at me from less than five feet away moments earlier.

A week ago it snowed four inches and today it was 80 degrees which made for a great Easter to get outside and enjoy the weather. Traditionally we purchase cascarones, which are hollowed-out chicken eggs filled with confetti. We hide them in the yard, have an egg hunt and then smash them on each other. We have a lot of traditions and this one is the most violent, yet gets the most laughs. I learned today while trying to escape the wrath of my nine-year-old that I can still run, kinda, but it looks more like an accelerated limp and feels like I’m in a three-legged race tied to an invisible partner. I also had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t outrun my daughter anymore. She still can’t reach my head, so it isn’t so bad.

More Physical Therapy

Notes from my old physical therapy routine.

I saw my pain doctor on Monday and he wrote me a script for physical therapy. Three times a week for six weeks. I haven't seen a physical therapist for over two years, because I was told that I had plateaued and it wouldn't really do any good. My doctor thinks that with my stimulator I may be able to regain some more mobility. I had my first appointment earlier today and I already have a new routine that is tailored to my specific needs. Bending at the waist should be avoided at all costs, because it could cause the leads to shift in my back, so unlike my pre-cyborg days, sit-ups are not allowed. My goal is to have the tightness relieved and to have some improvement in my foot drop. We will see.

I Bent My Wookiee

A day ago in a city 58 miles away...

STAR WARS CELEBRATION CHICAGO

Last June I learned that Star Wars Celebration was heading to Chicago and I figured YOLO, so I bought tickets and we went yesterday. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to back out. I'm not one of those people. I have standards, but again, YOLO. I'm glad I went, because it was quite an experience. 

Instead of only one big thing for the day, we also had to have Breakfast with the Bunny at the local library. It's a tradition that my 9-year-old wasn't going to have interrupted by some Star Wars thing, so she listened to a story, ate doughnut holes in the presence of the Easter Bunny and collected six candy filled eggs and by 11 a.m. we hit the road.

The traffic was fine and I felt good, but once we arrived at McCormick Place my anxiety fired up, because I had to face my new fear of metal detectors. We parked the car and entered the building so I turned off my stimulator. (Apparently, metal detectors can have an adverse effect on the stimulator and it needs to be powered off before passing through one.) Earlier in the week I had contacted fan services to see if I could arrange a frisking instead of risking an electronic malfunction of the DRG stimulator device. I was told to let security know that I wanted to "opt out." After about a mile walk from the parking garage to the exhibit hall we neared the security checkpoint. I shouldn't have turned the stimulator off until I saw the detectors because my foot/leg was already aching after the long walk. As I approached The Gate I looked right into the security guard's eyes and assertively told him, "I have an electronic device in my back and I want to opt out of going through the metal detector." He took me out of the line, lifted a rope and let me in. I wasn't checked at all. I imagined they'd lift my shirt and see the bulge of the stimulator in my back and think that the Joker had implanted a mobile phone that was wired to explosives inside my body. I'd be tackled by FBI agents in those wind breaker jackets with the yellow "FBI" letters on the back. There'd be a lot of frantic yelling into walkie talkies while they attempted to clear and secure the area in a moment of pure chaos. However, nothing happened. All that worry for naught.

Da Mandalorians

Once inside the convention center, WOW. This post is picture heavy, because it was a spectacle. Need a tattoo of the Rebel Alliance symbol? Head over to the Tattoo Pavilion like Princes Leia (below).

Are you proud and want to let it show? Then get your pink Darth Vader armor polished up (below).

By 2 p.m. our kid needed food. She was STARVING! I was hoping all that Easter candy would've held off the hunger, but it was time to spend $35 on a hamburger, fries, fruit and nachos. After we collected our food we searched for a table. Surprisingly, we found three empty chairs next to a woman, who we had seen earlier upon our arrival. She was dressed as Princess Leia and holding a small dog. As we ate our food, I decided to engage in conversation and learned all about Julie and her emotional support animal, Toto.

Julie and Toto had made their pilgrimage from Los Angeles to Chicago to exclusively attend SWCC. Apparently, Toto wanted to attend the convention and Julie does what Toto wants. Son of Sam, anyone? According to Julie, George Lucas and Disney both really think she does a fantastic job looking like Princess Leia.

After lunch, my wife and daughter found a craft project that involved building a small section of a large modular diorama. While they painted and glued shrubs and stormtroopers to their square foot of Scarif beach, I explored the show on my own. I studied the new LEGO Star Wars sets up close as well as the new action figures revealed by Hasbro. I'm a sucker for Boba Fett figures. I located the official SWCC store with the mashup merchandise of Chicago stereotypes and Star Wars characters to purchase on our way out. I was hunting for photographs to make, too. It was like I was working for the paper again and it felt fun again... and eventually I saw this (below) and I knew I had gotten what I needed for the day. I was only recently introduced to the world of Deadpool and I must say, if you haven't exposed yourself to it, then I recommend you should.

I hit the wall by 5:30 and my foot/leg were toast. I checked the "Health" application on my phone and I had walked over four miles for the day. When I look back on how much I've struggled since my accident, it's pretty incredible to go that long and that far now. I really don't believe I would've been able to enjoy yesterday nearly as much if I didn't have the DRG stimulator. It has been eight weeks since the surgery and I must say that I'm satisfied with the pain relief that I've experienced so far.

Excitebike Ride

An illustration for my and your entertainment

Today was the day. I was determined. I retrieved my bicycle from the basement, got geared up and set out for my first five mile bike ride through our small town in rural Illinois of this year.

I wasn't sure if I had it in me. My dog was unhappy, because he knew what I was doing as soon as he saw the bike come up the stairs. He gets jealous, but at the same time he is 11 and he walks to and from school daily which all combined is two miles.

Once outside I zipped up my hooded sweatshirt, rolled up my jeans on my right side, not for style, but so they don't get caught in the chain. Jeans, you ask? Yeah, I don't gear up like most. My kid's softball coach would be disappointed if he saw me since he likes to remind the parents not to allow their children to wear jeans to practice.

Before I hit the road, I turned on my personal computer and opened an application to track my mileage and time as a baseline for the new year. It was now time to roll.

The ride began fine, but dang, I'm just not in shape. Three years after the accident and I still struggle.  I started huffing and puffing and I could taste the bile in my mouth after a mile. I have a lot of nerve damage so my expectations should be tempered, but Steven Seagal in "Hard to Kill" was in a coma for like seven years and when he came to he was rolling around on a gurney with a mop to push him around like he was kayaking in a raging river. Eventually, Seagal's character regains his strength and fulfills his revenge against those that murdered his family. I still get winded looking for the tv remote.

My left eye collided with two insects and I had to take evasive action to avoid another collision when a motorist backed down their driveway and into the street without noticing me. That happens way too often to believe.

When I made it back home and stepped off the bike, the discomfort was still there as it has been for the past few years. My entire foot goes numb and I can't feel the ground. It's as if I had placed my foot in a bucket of ice water for an hour. Now, nearly two hours later the temperature is beginning to rise to a normal level. It seems as if the DRG stimulator hasn't helped with everything, but it still has definitely helped with the pain.

I was able to complete my 5+ mile route that runs through neighborhoods, a brief off-road stretch, and dodging motorists in 28 minutes, which I think is about as well as I was doing at my peak last year so there's that, but I could use a nap now, for sure.

Hope, Spring, Eternal God

Spring break 2019 is over after nine days. It started with the purchase of a new bicycle for our kid. We went to a bicycle store and my daughter got to choose. I wanted her to pick the Redline BMX, but wisely she went with a seven-speed with handbrakes. Now, she can go on bike rides with me, which I enjoy much more than walking, because it feels like I'm actually exercising since I can feel an increase in my heart rate. Graduating from the coaster brakes to handbrakes was a bigger deal in her head then in reality. She made the transition in about two minutes without issue.

After that we went bowling to celebrate a 40th birthday. Unfortunately, I couldn't bowl because I'm still healing. I was offered help lifting my ball onto the assist ramp provided by the bowling alley, but I just couldn't bring myself to it. I probably could do Wii Bowling. Have you ever been to assisted living facility? I think physical therapists now have to be certified to teach Wii Bowling to seniors or one of those online schools should at least offer that certification to make more money.

On Monday, my daughter and I went to the car dealer for a recall to replace the front passenger airbag. Normally I dismiss recalls, but knowing firsthand what an airbag can do, I decided not to risk the possibility of shrapnel exploding into my face. Also, I'm the one usually sitting in the passenger seat and whenever I think something is going to happen it usually does. Instead of waiting at the dealer for the airbag to be replaced we took one of the dealer's cars and visited the LEGO store. (I kind of wanted to stay at the dealer because the last time I stayed I was subjected to the preaching of another customer waiting for their car, the Pin Hat Daredevil God (he was wearing a Daredevil shirt, the comic book hero, and his hat was covered in enamel pins. I'd post a picture, but I don't think it's necessary). It was last October and I couldn't go anywhere so I listened to his sermon. He spoke of time traveling and other dimensions and eventually he shared that he was the Eternal Lord. After ten minutes he made eye contact with me and started talking about chickens and how they are just way too big nowadays. "I went to Popeyes yesterday, bro, and I asked for a breast and a thigh and I swear it came from an ostrich. Be careful, bro," he told me... but instead of waiting at the dealer we went to the LEGO store to purchase one of our five sets that we completed over spring break. I mean, what were the chances Pin Hat would've been there again? Actually, I think the odds may have been good, because at one point he said he was the color ultra violet and that nobody was able to see him, but I could.)

During spring break the weather was warmer for a majority of the week and I averaged 2.7 miles/day of walking. I fell again at the state park, though. I knew it was coming because as soon as I had the thought, I went down, because when I think it, it happens. My piriformis started aching, but that pain has since ceased. I noticed yesterday that I was getting the nervy pain in my foot so I increased my electric stimulation and didn't feel relief so I turned off my stimulator all together to see if it was still activated and/or helping. Minutes into my test my foot temperature dropped and the throbbing nerve pain began returning like waves rolling in on a beach. I turned the stimulator back on and felt relief instantly. Colder temperatures really have a big impact on CRPS, or chronic regional pain syndrome. Bigger than I want to accept.

I got the finger yesterday! We went to Naperville for pizza and I drove. I felt confident driving since it was Sunday and there is generally less traffic on the roads. On our return home, a vehicle next to ours attempted to occupy our space while illegally trying to change lanes in the middle of an intersection so I honked and I had to brake hard to avoid the collision. I didn't get the courtesy wave or anything. Down the road we stopped next to the same vehicle. As I gave the old Stink Eye, the other driver was busy looking at her phone and when she noticed me, she set the phone down so she could raise her middle finger. Since I'm disabled due to a distracted driver I have real issues with drivers using their phones. Is it really that necessary? I know, you're an expert driver and I have no clue. All I can do is hope that other drivers aren't looking at their phones.

I have two more weeks until my next doctor's appointment. I picked off the scab on my back and you can't see my battery pack, but my wife did trick me that it was exposed and my anxiety went from 0-60 instantly. It is April 1st, so whatever.