Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride... except ice.

I decided that I was going to test out the hardware today. I fell twice on ice.

This morning I woke up and decided that I was going to take the dog for a hike at Silver Springs. It had been some time since my last visit. I wanted to see how my body would react and I felt positive so we went. As soon as we made it to the trail I realized that the path was covered in ice. I should've left, but damnit I'm like Clark Griswold and even if John Candy greeted me upon arrival and told me, "Sorry folks. Parks closed." I would not have listened and still done the hike like I ended up doing. In fact, I'm so extreme that I still indulge in a 7.5 oz can of Mountain Dew every now and then.

I began slipping on the ice from the start and only a quarter way into the hike I went down on my right hip, the bad one. I didn't move for a moment and got scared. Oh shit, what if I messed up the electronics of the stimulator? Oh god, but I realized that I fell on the hip that I so badly try to protect in crowds and it didn't hurt like I expected. It only hurt like it should have. I got back up and continued on.

My dog did his normal routine of stopping and pulling me toward danger while I unloaded a barrage of "goddamnits" and other unsavory language. Luckily, the only other evidence of humans in the park today was an ice fishing tent on the main lake and if anything they probably think my dog's real name is Richard.

Halfway through the park I went down again, this time on my right knee. Again on the bad leg that the DRG stimulator is targeting for pain. My knee hurt at first, like normal and that was it.

I completed the about 3-mile treacherous hike on ice in an hour which is a little longer than in good weather. However I had two falls, seven slips and I would've rolled my ankle four times had I not been wearing my winter hiking boots. While I'm proud I completed my goal, I don't think I'll be returning until we have a nice thaw and the ice is cleared from the paths at Silver Springs.

Scarred Again

So we made it to Oak Park in great time, but of course I wasn't seen at my appointment time. Instead we waited in the waiting room with three older women talking about a wide range of topics. First was about cruises, one of them would never go on one because of what happened to that one girl (Natalee Hollway who was suspected murdered in Aruba by Joran Andreas Petrus van der Sloot in 2005. I'm kind of a news junkie so I knew what they meant when they said 'that one girl was murdered down there during a class trip'). Then there was talk about birth control and how one used the "IED". Now, I've only heard of improvised explosive device when I think of IEDs, so the visual in my head of IED birth control was quite gruesome. Then they discussed Facebook and how it's like watching the news. There are so many great stories on Facebook they said. These were older women and I couldn't help but cringe. Finally, one by one they were called back to see the doctor and the deranged conversations ended.

When I was called back I met with Susan the nurse first. She looked and acted like she had been using the doctor's script pad for her own personal use. Next, I met with the Abbott representative, Rhonda, who "reprogrammed" the DRG stimulator. I asked her if I could mess with the settings and what I should expect. The doctor saw me after a short wait and looked over my surgical wounds. He gave the go ahead to shower and then said to see my doctor again in two weeks.

I'm home now and I've showered for the first time in 11 days. It was awesome. It's the first time in 11 days I haven't been cold and miserable while I've bathed. From what my wound looks like from where the battery pack was placed (top wound) it now makes sense why it felt like a giant scab was being ripped open every time I moved. The two smaller incisions are where the two new leads were placed into me. I'll be getting back to my walks soon now that I know everything is healing as it should.

Walking at the Mall

We took our daughter to a nearby mall yesterday for dress shopping because there will be a daddy daughter dance at her school next month. I really thought that since my accident, I had the best excuse not to participate in dances or even step foot on a dance floor. Like a handicap placard. I was part of a new club. 'Oh no sorry, I really can't.' I had no rhythm when I was able-bodied and I certainly have less now, but I can stand now for more than a few minutes and it isn't as painful as it used to be. I'll still suck at it, but I never wanted to be a dancer anyway. I have thought about the future and if my daughter ever does choose to get married I was sad thinking that I wouldn't be able to share a dance with her, but that's no longer something I'm worried about.

Walking around at the mall was odd. Two anchor stores are now gone from the last time we visited a couple years ago. Gap Kids and Gap were gone too. There were a lot of massage chairs and wi-fi lounges throughout the mall. Our kid wanted to go into Hot Topic and so we did. I think some of the merchandise had changed inside the store, but the NOFX-type music and everything else was exactly the same as it was 25 years ago. Goth is still a thing. It was like a time warp.

Something that has changed since our last visit to that mall was the pain in my foot/leg. My leg is still suffering from nerve damage so it still continues to feel hammy and numb. And then there is the foot drop issue. When my doctor comes back from his travels I believe he wants me to get some physical therapy to help address that issue. The best thing about yesterday that I noticed was that I wasn't favoring my good leg and I wasn't always looking for a chair or bench to rest. I even entertained the idea of becoming a mall walker. Like Jimmy McGill, I can really relate to old people and for some reason they enjoy my company. I had a lot of older friends in my rehab days. I saw one of the regular mall walkers hugging the walls of a corridor we were exiting from. He had on a track suit, athletic shoes and was listening to something on his headphones. I could be that guy. I still listen to Cubs' games on transistor radios strategically placed throughout our home.

Last night I was explaining to my wife that my complex regional pain syndrome has definitely improved since my surgery to have the dorsal root ganglion, or DRG stimulator, implanted into my back. Health care workers always ask me what my pain level is at on a scale from zero to ten. For the past couple of years I'd usually say my pain is a steady four. Now, it still isn't a zero and I don't think it ever will be again, but it has been about a two in my foot since the surgery. My back hurt like hell from the surgery, but I knew that it was going to. The foot pain is much better and much more tolerable now. There are times when I cross my legs and I can feel that zap of pain in my sciatic nerve running down my leg to the bottom of my foot, but that constant throbbing and burning isn't as prevalent. It still is cooler to the touch too, but my doctor said that with time that issue may improve as well.

Tomorrow I'll be visiting with another doctor (while mine is still living it up in a tropical paradise) to hopefully have my bandages removed and to be given the go ahead to finally shower. Hopefully I'll have an update after my doctor's visit tomorrow.

Est. Completion Time: 3 DAYS

It's been a week since my surgery. The procedural pain has dissipated. I'm more cyborg than man now.

Yesterday a human called me from the doctor's office to confirm my appointment next week to have my bandages removed. The worker was busy. She got what she needed and ended the call rather abruptly.

This morning a robot from the same office called me to confirm that very same appointment the human called about the day before. The robot was calm, courteous and told me exactly what I needed... and told me "Goodbye." Take note, in movies and television shows, most humans end their telephone communications by simply hanging up.

Coming Back Strong Folks

I'm already feeling a lot better. I decided that I was going to shave today so I did. Then I decided to walk over to the post office across the street to check the mail and I did. I hadn't been outside since Saturday and it felt great. Sunlight feels good. I'm thankful that I had this surgery done now in the winter rather than the summer because I really do enjoy being outdoors.

Bathrooms

Trying to bathe while trying not to get water on your back is the pits. I find myself sitting on a step stool in the bathtub as the water pours from the faucet and I have to use a washcloth to wash and rinse while trying not to lift my arms over my head, or twist my waist or lean too far forward. I might as well try to balance spinning plates on sticks while riding a unicycle on a tightrope at the circus.

And then there is the act of actually using the bathroom. Turns out that you can't when your body can't, but you need to.

Everything hurts still, but the pain is improving. It's about a seven out of 10 right now, but I've used all my energy for this morning/afternoon.

What is Your Pain Level?

Today's pain level is a steady 8.5. Holy smokes does this foreign object of a battery pack hurt so badly. It's right up there with CRPS. It's so darn swollen. I think this morning it peaked so hopefully it continues to improve through the night. I stepped on a dog biscuit bit that was on the floor with my bad foot and I felt it, but it was more like how it feels when I step on something with my good foot. In the name of progress I'll foot drop drag myself forward!

The Day After with BLUETOOTH Technology!

This is the Bluetooth device used to control the electrical stimulation that is hooked up to my nervous system.

Today I woke up not feeling so bad, but now as the day has worn on I'm feeling quite a bit of pain in my back where the battery pack has been placed into my body. My foot and leg feel fine, unless I stretch or twist my leg and then it can be a little jarring because sometimes it feels like an electric shock. It's not any worse than the normal pain without the stimulator, but it can be startling.

The image above is from the screen of an iPhone (I'm not sure why it says 'iPod' up in the left corner) made specifically for this setup that connects to my stimulator/battery pack using Bluetooth technology. I was told not to mess with it, but it was a little too strong and I could feel the electric current running down my leg and into my foot so I lowered the 'foot' setting. I'm much more comfortable now.

I didn't want to take the hydrocodone today, but the pain from the procedure was too much and I decided to take my first of three that I was prescribed daily. I don't want to take them all still because I'm certain they will be the currency of the future or was that bottle caps?

I wanted to show off my stitches, but they are fully covered and my waist is wrapped in a giant Ace-like bandage. I feel like I'm wearing a girdle.

The Future is Now

I cyborg now.

Our day began at 3:45 a.m. and we arrived at the hospital less than two hours later. I made a point to count all of the 14 different health care professionals I met and talked with about my procedure before I was given anesthesia at about 7:15. Once that kicked in I can't remember much of anything until about 1:00 p.m. That is when I began eating my single slice of Lou Malnati's deep dish butter crust cheese pizza that I brought that served as my breakfast and lunch. So good. I can feel the battery pack in my back and my lower back aches. I'm on my first dose of hydrocodone and I'm loopy so it's time to stop posting and start resting. I'll try to update soon enough.

Tomorrow... I'll be back!

Surgery is tomorrow.

With surgery in less than 24 hours I am trying to get done what I can before I can't move for a few days or lift anything for a couple weeks. This morning I took the dog for a bath at a local pet store that has self service washing stations. He hates it, but it's been two months since his last bath and he was due. After today I can't shower until I see my doctor again post surgery which will be at least a week, but I'm thinking it'll be more like two weeks. When I saw my doctor to have the temporary leads removed he told me that he wanted to have my surgery scheduled the day before he goes on vacation. He shared that he will be traveling to a private island in the Indian Ocean to celebrate his 35th birthday. I imagine it'll be a "Hangover" type trip with madcap laughs involving drugs, sex and alcohol. I hope he returns from that trip... but yeah, I can't shower until my next appointment with him after he returns from vacation and I can't see him only taking a week off to travel to the other side of the world for only a week.

I still can't sleep even though I went back to taking my amitriptyline prescription. I took it last Friday and I slept that night. It was great. The next few days it didn't work as well. Now a week later I'm right back to were I was before. I think I'll continue to take it for at least the next month because I don't want to keep messing with my chemistry right now. 

This will probably be my last blog post pre-cyborg Rob. How fitting that it is Valentine's Day and tomorrow I'll be part Tin Man again. I'll be keeping my heart, but I hope I become tougher like the T-800, because I've never liked "The Wizard of Oz."

Anxiously Waiting for Time to Pass VIDEO

I'm ready for the permanent DRG stimulator to be surgically implanted into my back and I'm getting anxious.

It's been a week since the temporary DRG leads were removed from my back. I've been trying to keep busy, because the pain has returned. I've found that distraction is the best way to deal with the chronic pain. Unfortunately, the weather has not been cooperating and it's been hard to get outside and go for my daily walks.

On Friday we saw The LEGO Movie 2, which I have to say was better than I had anticipated. I'm an Adult Fan of LEGO, or AFOL. (Yes, that's a thing. LEGO keeps my brain busy because it's a lot of mathematics and problem solving which is a great distraction.)

Our daughter performed with our dog in the school's talent show on Saturday. She named herself 'The Great Houndini' and entertained the crowd with dog tricks and a very humorous script.

Today a DVD arrived in the mail and I figured out how to extract a clip of me. I thought it'd take longer learning how to get it off the DVD than it did, because I was looking to waste some more time. Anyway, the clip (ABOVE) is not something I'm proud of, but it makes me laugh every time I watch it. The clip was placed near the end of Thrasher skateboard film that was released in 2001. I can't help but think of all the dumb things I've done to wreck my body in the past. Maybe I was just inoculating myself for that accident. Who knows? I'm just happy to have this clip, because it's funny. Enjoy!

Grocery Store Day

Calm your excitement Charlie.

About once a month I try to help out by going to the grocery store alone to help save some time and sanity for my wife. She's a Girl Scout leader and has a meeting tonight and since it's going to be cold tomorrow I wanted to get the shopping done today while it's still warm which allows me to move better with less pain. So, I volunteered to complete the task this morning.

My wife makes the list and sends me off (with confidence?) on my own and within two items down on the list I'm not sure what I'm suppose to get or how much of a particular item we need. Inevitably, I start texting my journey from within the land of commerce with questions, observations I make of other humans and I send photographs to help facilitate my Odyssey and to hopefully entertain. Our kid wanted to try a new cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros Cereal to be exact. It was on sale so I made the executive decision to purchase it. I threw it in the cart face down and saw the above image on the back of the box. Who created that art and who said that 'looks great?' There is just so much in that illustration to digest. That happy guy is going to be facing me for at least the next week at the kitchen table, because there is no way I want my kid seeing the back of this box during breakfast.

Upon checkout, a familiar clerk was working who is almost too friendly and too social. She knows our kid's name and even brought up purchasing Girl Scout cookies from my kid since it is that time of year. This clerk even knows I spent 2 weeks in the ICU and that I'm not exactly able bodied any longer. Anyhow, there was an elderly woman in front of me in line and when the clerk finished up checking out her order she asked her if she needed assistance out to her vehicle. Then I went through the line and the clerk asked me how my kid is doing and wife and then told me to "have a good day." I don't need help and I wouldn't have taken it had she offered. Really, it doesn't bother me, because honestly I look fine now and it probably doesn't register with her. It was just another observation... BUT, did you see those Super Bowl advertisements knocking all the robots or dismissing them as if they are inferior? This created some distress for me and it did bother me. Let's treat my half kind with a little more compassion humans. Please, for your sake.

Fame VIDEO

The above video shows my doctor removing the temporary leads from my back. It may make you squeamish. 

I went back to my doctor to have the temporary leads removed from my back today. A half an hour after my appointment time I was finally called back to my room. My blood pressure was high and I blamed a fellow patient in the waiting room. She had declared that she wasn’t like other people. She was unique. Look lady, just because you shop at thrift stores at the “The Alley” and dress like Freddie Mercury wearing gold boots and matching black and gold jacket doesn’t make you any more special and that pain you are experiencing, well, we are all here because of pain. 

My doctor arrived soon after my blood pressure was checked and asked how I was doing. Fine, just fine. Has the pain level decreased? Yes, yes it has. I also explained that my back was really sore from last week’s procedure. He told me that was because he had trouble getting the lead into S1, probably due to scarring from the emergency operations following the auto accident and then he brought up L4 or L5 and I was lost. I think he sunk my battleship. I then asked my doctor if we could film the removal of the leads. He gave me the “are you crazy?” look and then said sure. Then he showed me a photo of an X-ray from my body with the surgical screws and leads going into my spine... they were on his personal phone. In fact, the Abbott representative, a new one that I was introduced to today, seemed excited to meet me when she realized that I was that guy with the Erector Set in his pelvis. HOLY SHIT!?! YOU’RE THAT GUY! I am actually the Freddie Mercury-like rockstar or probably more like a freak of nature that just wouldn't die. 

I have to now wait over a week before getting the permanent DRG stimulator. After the temporary leads were removed I began experiencing the old pain within 15 minutes of the drive home. I didn’t realize how well the temporary leads were providing relief until now. My foot is super tight and a lot colder. And standing up hurts again. 

I can’t believe how long those leads in my back were. When I watched the video above I got creeped out instantly. Why are they so long?

Remember?

From time to time a representative from Abbott Laboratories, the healthcare company that makes the DRG stimulator, checks in with me to see how I'm doing. Today in a text the representative asked if I'm ready to have the temporary leads taken out tomorrow. Wait, what? I thought that I was just going for a follow-up and to schedule the surgery for the removal of the temporary leads while also having the permanent stimulator put into me in a one shot deal. Nope. I apologized, because for some reason I'm programmed to say sorry even when I'm not wrong, and then the representative filled me in on the process. Apparently, the temporary leads need to be removed and I have to heal for a week or two before I can have surgery for the permanent stimulator device. How did I not know that? I don't think anyone shared that information with me. My wife doesn't remember receiving this information either.

Maybe they did tell me while I was still coming back from twilight alone by myself and they thought I could remember this important bit of information. A decade ago after I had my wisdom teeth removed and I was home from the surgery I was looking in the bathroom mirror at the area in my mouth where my teeth were removed and I saw something sticking out of from my gums. I remember thinking, what the hell is that? That doesn't look right. I grabbed hold of the foreign object with some tweezers and pulled out over a foot of bloody gauze. I kept thinking, why did they forget this in my mouth and that this is incredible, because it just kept coming out. Goddamn! I immediately called the oral surgeon who goes on to tell me that I shouldn't have removed the packing. "Remember? After you woke up I told you?" No, I don't. Would I be calling you if I had recalled that instruction?

Anyway, I go back to the old me tomorrow. I'm wondering how they will remove the leads because I don't have to prepare like previous surgeries and treatments. Are they going to just grab the wire with some pliers, like the gauze in my mouth, and just pull it right out? I want to watch, but will it hurt more if I see it happening? Or will it not hurt at all? I watched a nurse pull a PICC line from a vein in my arm that went to my heart and I didn't feel a thing, but it looked so unreal because it was so long. At least I'll be able to take a shower when this is over. A heads up for those thinking of this treatment should know you can't get the leads wet, so no showers. A week without showering is bad, but it's worth it if the stimulator works like it does for me.

This is a Test

My doctor wanted me to test out the stimulator so I did today.

Today my family and I went to Matthiessen State Park to test out my new hardware. My doctor told me that I really need to try the DRG stimulator doing things that I do, so why not go for a hike at one of our favorite places.

The terrain at Matthiessen is rocky and up and down with lots of stairs and it was covered in snow and ice. A canyon with multiple waterfalls runs through the middle of the park and it's absolutely perfect there... except for the graffiti that modern day neanderthals have carved into the sandstone. Does Billy still love Rhonda? NOBODY CARES. Besides, isn't that what social media is for you dumb cavemen? Also, we were saved from seeing the litter that usually covers the ground there. Normally we bring garbage bags to collect the trash we come across. Socks are everywhere during the summer. Whoever finds the diaper in our family wins for the day and if you think that's rare sadly it is not, because nearly every time we are there we find a diaper on the trail. 

We did see something I thought was really bizarre. I saw a mosquito flying through the air. I received the crazy look at first when I announced my discovery and then we started noticing them all along the canyon. They'd even land on top of the snow and keep moving. Crazy.

I didn't have much trouble except for the snow covered stairs that were packed down and tricky to navigate safely. I brought my cane with to help keep my balance. I don't think it was necessary, but I'd rather be safe. The only issue I had was the cold foot again. Instead of the numb, cold, and painful foot that I'm so used to, I just had a cold and numb foot. So again that is an improvement. My doctor said that with time the cold foot may improve, but I'm not seeing it yet.